Masculinity

Today I was at a Shari's for breakfast with some friends of mine. After a bit of light hearted conversation it took a bit more meaningful turn toward wives, then wives crying, then not understanding why women cry. Don't get me wrong, handling an ambush cry from my wife is not one of the most pleasant experiences but we all do it. The comment that my seemingly masculine friend made was rather revealing and at the same time a sad realization of our concept of masculinity. He said, "You know fathers, they push and push and after awhile you don't even cry when you smash your finger. You just look at it and say, 'damn that hurt.'" My heart broke at the realization that we are effectively desensitizing the male sex to God given emotions.

I have always been a crier and maybe that is why this sort of comment bothers me, but to be honest, I am not sure that is the case, it seems to be more. Freud found that the release of catharsis (the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions) was healthy and suppression was an unhealthy alternative. Our society has seemed to place value in men that are "strong" enough to suppress their crying emotion. Is that why men who beat their wives are perceived as tough? Is that why women (because they cry) have traditionally been considered weak? The answer seems be yes. Men who release their emotions in ways that devastate others though words, actions, or impressions, are considered masculine while the men that blow off steam though crying are written off as "girly." Could it be that masculinity is not found in ones self control of tears but in ones confidence of self. The self control to be confident in the person that God made you; the self control to show love even to other men; the self control to replace sarcasm with honest words; and the self control to affirm Gods gift of tears. In my opinion, these seem to be masculine traits and those that need to demean others to feel masculine are insecure boys. Can we affirm God given masculinity by finding the ability to release our emotion in constructive and rejuvenating ways rather than hurting our brothers and sisters around us?

This has been a thought that has challenged me even as a crying man. Masculinity is found in love for ones neighbor not in apprehended strength.